I got word last week that I am a semi-finalist in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Contest. This was good news, needless to say. Actually, I was ecstatic for about 24 hours. I'm still very pleased, although there are interesting side issues, like having one's work so exposed (excerpts from all the semi-finalists work are posted on Amazon's website for all and sundry to read and review). And coming to the realization that my novel still needs work. One reviewer brought up the issue of my inconsistent use of past and present tense, and she is correct. I still think the book is worthy of publication, and the minor glitches are very fixable. In other words, I am proud of my book. Proud that I finished it. Proud that it's getting some attention, aside from the great rejection letters from publishers I have received. But I have to say, it's difficult to maintain the pride in my work, to persist in believing in it and myself. Pride is supposed to be a fault, and to cause all kinds of trouble. But I find that in general, people aren't able to muster up enough pride in their work and in themselves. I have to talk myself into it, frequently. I think, "Really all I want to do is run away and hide in a cabin in the deep woods of northern Minnesota for about thirty years and live on fried squirrels and nuts and berries and avoid all contact with humans." I have to convince myself that this would not be a good thing. That it's fine to receive and accept constructive criticism. That it's actually helpful and allows me to grow as a writer and a person. That I need to persist and be proud of my work and of who I am.
This is easier said than done.
It's also no less difficult to accept praise. We are very complicated. We don't like criticism, but we don't like praise either. We get all weird about it and when we are praised we want to retreat to our cabin in the woods to eat squirrels no less than when we are criticized. We get all flustered and tend to denigrate ourselves: "No, really, it's a piece of crap, and I know it. You don't have to lie to me!"
So, today let's practice Pride and Persistence. List five things you are proud of about yourself or your work. Then list the reasons why. Then think of compliments you have received. Write them down, too, whether you think they are deserved or not. Then keep working. Write down how you might keep putting yourself out there, as a person, as an artist, as a soccer player, as whatever you are proud of in your life. Keep persistently pushing aside those thoughts of cabins.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
Abundance
Yeah, I know, it's one of those new agey catch-words that are so over used they become meaningless. But this is a kind of companion piece to the last post, which was Anticipation. Last time, I wrote about how much fun it is anticipating events and cups of tea. Today, I'm going to write about how much fun it should be when what you anticipate comes to pass and turns out to be what you'd hoped for. When your Anticipation blossoms into Abundance.
There are some odd responses to this phenomenon. One is to negate it. "Oh," you think. "It's really not so great that I (won $500 in the lottery, it could have been $500,000) (got accepted to Williams College, it could have been Yale) (had a story published in The Berkshire Review, it could have been The New Yorker). Another response is the knee-jerk reaction that I sometimes fall prey to: "It must have been some kind of fluke. It can't really be happening. I'll find out tomorrow it was all a mistake."
This is crazy thinking. Accept your abundance. Enjoy it. Who else will, if you won't? And if it does turn out to be a mistake, at least you will have had an hour, a day, a week of pleasure appreciating the abundance in your life.
So, go for it. Start learning to see and appreciate Abundance. Make a list of five things that have made you feel abundant lately. Study them. Then write how you really feel about them. Let yourself go with this one. Write down as well all the possible great outcomes you can foresee that might result from your abundance. Imagine your mother, husband, child telling you how great you are. Imagine what you will wear when you accept your prize, or meet with your new editor. Write it, draw it. Do some daydreaming and revel in it.
There are some odd responses to this phenomenon. One is to negate it. "Oh," you think. "It's really not so great that I (won $500 in the lottery, it could have been $500,000) (got accepted to Williams College, it could have been Yale) (had a story published in The Berkshire Review, it could have been The New Yorker). Another response is the knee-jerk reaction that I sometimes fall prey to: "It must have been some kind of fluke. It can't really be happening. I'll find out tomorrow it was all a mistake."
This is crazy thinking. Accept your abundance. Enjoy it. Who else will, if you won't? And if it does turn out to be a mistake, at least you will have had an hour, a day, a week of pleasure appreciating the abundance in your life.
So, go for it. Start learning to see and appreciate Abundance. Make a list of five things that have made you feel abundant lately. Study them. Then write how you really feel about them. Let yourself go with this one. Write down as well all the possible great outcomes you can foresee that might result from your abundance. Imagine your mother, husband, child telling you how great you are. Imagine what you will wear when you accept your prize, or meet with your new editor. Write it, draw it. Do some daydreaming and revel in it.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Anticipation
I had all these great ideas for today's post rattling around in my head right before I went to sleep last night. I was going to be serious, profound. I was going to change your life. Unfortunately, this morning I couldn't remember any of those remarkable ideas. But as I was driving around doing errands, I heard a Carly Simon song ("You're So Vain") on the radio. That made me think of other Carly Simon songs, including the one which title I've stolen for this post.
I have been anticipating many wonderful things in this new year, such as the completion of the first draft of my new novel, a writing conference in March, the reading my students and I planned (and executed this past Saturday). And I notice that while I am in this state of anticipating good things, I feel pretty great. And if I think really positively about the things anticipated, they usually don't disappoint when they actually take place. Of course, this thinking is not original, and is in line with the plethora of new agey self help books a la The Secret. But it is nonetheless true, if at the moment a little cheesy seeming. The less I complain about my fate and my future, the more I concentrate on positively anticipating events, the better I feel. Even contemplating with anticipation the small things in my day, like my next cup of tea, or reading the Irish Times in the morning, do me good.
So, for today's exercise, make a list of ANTICIPATION. Write down five things you are positively anticipating. Big things like a vacation, or small things like seeing a new movie. Then dwell on them. Think how you will feel when they happen. Extend the pleasure. Write about how you'll feel, draw it. Start getting some kicks out of your one wild and precious life, to paraphrase Mary Oliver.
I have been anticipating many wonderful things in this new year, such as the completion of the first draft of my new novel, a writing conference in March, the reading my students and I planned (and executed this past Saturday). And I notice that while I am in this state of anticipating good things, I feel pretty great. And if I think really positively about the things anticipated, they usually don't disappoint when they actually take place. Of course, this thinking is not original, and is in line with the plethora of new agey self help books a la The Secret. But it is nonetheless true, if at the moment a little cheesy seeming. The less I complain about my fate and my future, the more I concentrate on positively anticipating events, the better I feel. Even contemplating with anticipation the small things in my day, like my next cup of tea, or reading the Irish Times in the morning, do me good.
So, for today's exercise, make a list of ANTICIPATION. Write down five things you are positively anticipating. Big things like a vacation, or small things like seeing a new movie. Then dwell on them. Think how you will feel when they happen. Extend the pleasure. Write about how you'll feel, draw it. Start getting some kicks out of your one wild and precious life, to paraphrase Mary Oliver.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Creatively Attitudinous
I'm back after a long hiatus, during which I completed 2/3 of the first draft of my new novel, planned a reading for my Save Your Life Writing students, had very fine holidays and took a brief vacation. As well as maintaining my sanity and happiness. Hope you've done the same.
So, on this my first day back blogging and ranting to promote happiness, I'd like to concentrate on two things: Creativity and Attitude. And how they affect happiness in general.
First, creativity. I'll illustrate with an example. I've been staying with my mum quite a bit, and nearly every week we have the same argument. She wants me to accompany her to the Polish Catholic church I was raised up in. I don't particularly want to go. Not because I object to church as a general rule, but because the deacon who most times officiates I consider to be small-minded and negative. I end up grinding my teeth and muttering under my breath, and get a bruise from mum nudging me with her elbow. I leave aggravated and unhappy, which doesn't seem to be the purpose of church. But if I don't go, it makes mum very unhappy, indeed. About a week ago, I had a brainstorm, which did not involve a) killing the deacon, b) being in Canada every Sunday, or c) breaking my leg so I'd have an excuse not to go. I suggested we go to the Polish mass. It worked a charm. I got the comfort of hearing the language of my childhood (my parents would always argue in Polish), without understanding any of it to make me crazy. I just said my own little prayers and contemplated the pretty altar. And it made mum happy. The priest seemed OK, too. He even took out a guitar at one point and regaled us with Polish folk songs. Very cool. So in coming up (finally) with a creative solution to a problem for once, I managed to enrich my own life, and make my mum happy.
Now for attitude. Again, I'll illustrate with an example. I've considered myself a writer for, oh, the past ten years. I write books. I teach creative writing classes. But before NaNoWriMo, I didn't WRITE like a writer. I lolligagged and procrastinated. I wrote when I was 'inspired.' Which was still pretty frequently, or I would not have even completed novel #1. But all the same, I didn't write every day. I didn't take my writing seriously enough to make the commitment. But I did in November, with the knowledge that loads of other people were taking their writing seriously, too. And it felt so good, I've continued trying to write every day, at least 500-1000 words, and I've been more or less succeeding. I FEEL more like a writer. My writing is the better for it. So I am incredibly happy I was motivated to change my attitude.
So,for the exercise of the day, the first of the New Year, I'd suggest you take a look at where in your life you can be more creative and also what attitude you might want to change about yourself. Maybe your husband wants you to go bird-watching with him. You hate bird-watching as you can never see the birds. But you like x-country skiing. Tell him you'll go on a birding ski. That way, you both get something out of it. For the attitude piece, maybe you want to write poetry(or learn belly-dancing, or grow up). Tell yourself you can do it. Psyche yourself up. Find friends to do it with you. Dare to be Creatively Attitudinous. Write it, draw it, envision yourself doing it. Then work at it, truly. You will feel better, about everything, I promise.
So, on this my first day back blogging and ranting to promote happiness, I'd like to concentrate on two things: Creativity and Attitude. And how they affect happiness in general.
First, creativity. I'll illustrate with an example. I've been staying with my mum quite a bit, and nearly every week we have the same argument. She wants me to accompany her to the Polish Catholic church I was raised up in. I don't particularly want to go. Not because I object to church as a general rule, but because the deacon who most times officiates I consider to be small-minded and negative. I end up grinding my teeth and muttering under my breath, and get a bruise from mum nudging me with her elbow. I leave aggravated and unhappy, which doesn't seem to be the purpose of church. But if I don't go, it makes mum very unhappy, indeed. About a week ago, I had a brainstorm, which did not involve a) killing the deacon, b) being in Canada every Sunday, or c) breaking my leg so I'd have an excuse not to go. I suggested we go to the Polish mass. It worked a charm. I got the comfort of hearing the language of my childhood (my parents would always argue in Polish), without understanding any of it to make me crazy. I just said my own little prayers and contemplated the pretty altar. And it made mum happy. The priest seemed OK, too. He even took out a guitar at one point and regaled us with Polish folk songs. Very cool. So in coming up (finally) with a creative solution to a problem for once, I managed to enrich my own life, and make my mum happy.
Now for attitude. Again, I'll illustrate with an example. I've considered myself a writer for, oh, the past ten years. I write books. I teach creative writing classes. But before NaNoWriMo, I didn't WRITE like a writer. I lolligagged and procrastinated. I wrote when I was 'inspired.' Which was still pretty frequently, or I would not have even completed novel #1. But all the same, I didn't write every day. I didn't take my writing seriously enough to make the commitment. But I did in November, with the knowledge that loads of other people were taking their writing seriously, too. And it felt so good, I've continued trying to write every day, at least 500-1000 words, and I've been more or less succeeding. I FEEL more like a writer. My writing is the better for it. So I am incredibly happy I was motivated to change my attitude.
So,for the exercise of the day, the first of the New Year, I'd suggest you take a look at where in your life you can be more creative and also what attitude you might want to change about yourself. Maybe your husband wants you to go bird-watching with him. You hate bird-watching as you can never see the birds. But you like x-country skiing. Tell him you'll go on a birding ski. That way, you both get something out of it. For the attitude piece, maybe you want to write poetry(or learn belly-dancing, or grow up). Tell yourself you can do it. Psyche yourself up. Find friends to do it with you. Dare to be Creatively Attitudinous. Write it, draw it, envision yourself doing it. Then work at it, truly. You will feel better, about everything, I promise.
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