Waiting

A friend has pointed out to me that I have been inconsistent with my posts. She is right. And I have no excuses, except every excuse in the world. I was busy. I was not having enough computer time, due to various boring factors. I was doing a lot of 'more important' writing. But really, what it comes down to is that I have been a little dispirited. Yes, me, cheerleader for happiness that I usually am. Or try to be.
The truth is, I just got tired of waiting for all the good things I want in my life. My own house, where I can write uninterrupted for hours at a stretch. More privacy, more solitude. An agent. An advance. Etc. I have gone through a stretch of wanting what I've been waiting for NOW. Or actually, yesterday. I stopped making my own happiness book, so could hardly preach to others. This state of affairs has been going on for a little over two months. But I discovered a few things this week. One: being anxious about waiting did not make things happen any faster. Two: being anxious about waiting makes me unhappy. Three: I have been getting subliminal messages (or not so subliminal) about being grateful for what I do have, right now. And this is the interesting part. Almost everything I pick up to read concentrates on gratitude, or portrays people in situations much more dire than my own. This has not been a conscious choice. When I went to Mass Ash Wednesday with my mum, the deacon (who I usually think of as officious and negative) preached a sermon on gratitude. On Ash Wednesday, this is unheard of. The sermons are usually about repenting, giving up pleasures for lent, suffering a little like Jesus. Not about being grateful. Even a photo I came across while looking for prompts for my writing class focused on the back of an Irish bus that proclaimed: Be Grateful for Guinness! (And I am, believe me).
So, after all these various signs, I figure I'd better get back on track, before the next, more serious, wake up call. I knew a carpenter, a gentle Southern gentleman, who used to talk about God's two-by-four to the head method. It happens when you ignore all the softer, more kindly messages. You get enough of them, and still refuse to see them, and BLAM! God takes a two-by-four to your left temple. You lose your job. You lose your house. You get sick. Something big, anyway, to really wake you up to the great life you had before the two-by-four struck. My friend's solution was to always be paying attention to those small signs, looking for the nudges before the BLAM. I think it's a good idea.
In the spirit of paying attention to the nudges, think of all the things you can be grateful for. Make a list, a big long one, of everything you are blessed with while you are Waiting for all your dreams to come true. Make it really long. Fifty things, a hundred. Use up all twenty minutes simply being grateful. Then wait again, but with a more cheerful heart.